cute sketch I found on a blog, whenever I feel like eating one I see it. Food porn I guess:)
I hate maths, I hate everything about it. There are poems on the beauty of the subject but it’s just driving me insane at the moment:(this a really crappy smiley but plz bear with it. I ate an entire packet of doritos in the afternoon as I did not want to sleep cause I have this exam tomorrow, and ya the coffee does does taste a lot better without splene and coffee mate. Plus my teacher is no help and my bestie is enjoying her post xam break. I love summer. Despite of all the crappy heat and the acne and weight gain due to all those wretched trips to baskins and dunkins but xams are the worst part. Guess I just have to bear with it. I couldn’t even blog cause of this stupid subject. I hate u, maths. I wanna sing troublemaker by olly mars as an ode to the subject, or probably One more night by Maroon 5 , anything u suggest. I am so screwed .
This weeks been the worst. I had two internal assesments and paper submisssions. I have practicals from from Monday and exams the following week and my major research fellowship got cancelled. Instead of feeling bad Ii am amused at the unfolding of events that led to it. I am in the comfort food zone, comfort wear zone , comfort everything zone trying to feel positive about it. I have been craving weird combinations of things, heres the list of 5 most epic combinations I used this week.
1. coconut and lime body lotion.
It’s hard to absorb in the skin, like the kind you have to really rub to get in but it smells nice and practically rub it anytime.
2.raspberry and pomegranate lib balm-Never jugde a book by it’s cover
This had cute outer covering and a high spf and I really buy stuff that seems visually appealing so my impulsive self got it. When I opened it , the appearance was nice as well but th eit’s too strong. I couldn’t let it stay on my lips for more than two minutes.
3.Coconut coated flavoured peanuts
I love all things crunchy and I luv peanuts usually with chochlate but this rocks just as it is. High in calories for 30 gram serving but I am still addicted to it.
4.Lavender and banana chochlate truffles
Now lavender got more potential to it than just a bath bottle.
5.Honeycomb and green tea lip butter from body shop.
Need I say more!
I have problem with the whole concept of completion of things. It’s as if the prospect of things complete=things perfect scares me. Perfectionism is scary when you are an ED recovery. I try to refrain from ed posts cause Ii don’t like young people reading stuff that makes them remember painful memories . I have loads, but then this blog is supposed to be an insight of my daiy life , what I am going through , and you might find it funny but I also write a diary ’cause well that’s a personal thing which I am habituated to. Guess that explains my long absence from the blog. Nnow fast forwarding , at the univ sticking with a bunch f girls is hard. Mmy bestie is miles away studying so we don’t meet that much and the one good firend I have has been taking a lot of leaves this year. Now, I don’t hate being alone, in fact I find it much easier to deal with and productive compared to havig a company all the time. But we had this group of five and now it’s just the two of us and the major reason-ME. Lunch times are hard , though having recovered for a year and a half officialy, I find it hard to deal with the concept of sharing food. I mean whwn I a group someonebrings in something unexpectedly to eat and I am all planned about how it’s going to be, and I fret, infact there are times I refused bluntly and people found it rude. I try to make up, but then they find it hard to believe that I don’t want to skip breakfast and and actually feel like eating that early in the morning. So they are hallway through the class and ravenous and then they will want to eat more and I can’t be htat way cause it’s been a long road to recovery and I want to take it slow. The another problem is unhealthy food choices , an excess of fast food. I am ok with once or twice but then the past week they have been going out daily. It’s simply unrealistic for me to follow the suit, and sometimes I want to just cry and not even eat a thing. Eg. typical day in college, my lunch- sandwhich and a Fiji apple. my friend walks up to me-”why are u eating that , here have a burger”,me- “u go ahead , am fine with it@, she says-”who eats an apple for lunch , are u dieting again with all that healthy food, I feel sick seeing so much healthy stuff around”, me-@ its nice, I will have sumthng late if I want. She-@u never eat, here have some coke u will feel better”and she guzzles half a ottle in one go, me-@I don’t drink coke, I feel dehydrated”she- u always do this, make me feel conscious, never interact. I am going out to eat, it’s no use having u around if u can’t even have a burger for us.
And I am left speechless. I end up not even finishing my food instead trying very hard to keep it down. My mind like whatever happens stay strong, u have a beautiful body, u are a strong and happy person. It’s ok , she says it cause she cares. But then does she?
I had developed this terrible habit of watching people when they ate, mostly thiking about how they manage to do it so effortlessly and no one seems anxious and all.But I don’t do it anymore, isn’t that a positive, instead I interact, but I guess people don’t see it still. Never mind , I will try harder, I am used to it.
I recently watched Julie and Julia again after a long time. This time end to end. complete.I wish there actually people like this or maybe there are , in the world of blogging and suddenly I was reminded of my dear bloggers an dthis blog that I had creted and never came up with the courage to write up how I feel. I promise the next post will be ed free. consider it a rant , a pent up energy , a word de-tox., whatever u feel like. bon-appetite.
Now I know I have really sucked up on the blogging front , not updating once in a while ok but this lonng is real bad, tells me hoe much time I really get for myself and more importantly how good I am able to organise myselg. But to be honest college leaves me exhausted and besides that I have been travelling a lot(photos soon promise) . But I guess that’s how it is, though i will now try to post atleast once a week. ok, now lets come to the pUrpose of this post – I CUT MY HAIR. PERIOD . And it’s not really a small trim but rather a short bob kinda look(the best I could manage with kind of crop I posess) And though my friends weren’t initially enthusiastic about it , it does seem to be finding acceptance with them now. And, really I think it suits me. For long I have really bothered about what others feel about me, but now it’s time I can make my own desicions and feel confident about them. I know of some women who wouldn’t in any cost let a lock of hair be trimmed off but I think short hair is equally sassy and cool and though they are no high ponytails involved or curls?( which I personally favoured and like d a few days back) Its a lot easier to maintain with the hectic schedule I posess and beleive me I really like Rihanna and Paris hilton in their long hair do but they looked equally elegant in the short hair look as well. And with the casual look I seem to donn on a daily basis it makes me look fresh , less miserable and younger:)And i feel it’s time we come out of our comfort zones and so called cocoons and start experimenting a bit, cause you never know what clicks with you. Now that doesn’t mean doing drastic measures like The Miley cyrus bleach blond pixie cut look but something different ’cause it adds an zest to the day. And as sit polishing of the last of my coconut macaroon with obligatory cup of coffee , I ask you would you dare to try someting different , a change